Hey Sisters!

What do you have on your list this season? My list is shorter this year, thank God!  I seem to find myself with fewer people to buy for and that’s a good thing.  I am making a lot of gifts this year as well.  It’s good to be creative, but even if you think you’re not I’d bet you can come up with something to make someone.

How about:

1. Make a keychain – dried up pasta works – but maybe beads?

2. Put a photo album together for a friend.

3. A book of your favorite recipes?

4. A coupon book for a friend or loved one.. (cleaning day, foot massage, cook dinner for her?)

5. A basket of home-made goodies.

We all have the power to be creative, especially as women.  I am a beader.. yes, I collect and make things with beads.  (sometimes I get a bead and don’t want to give it away, you know, like Golum, but then I remember how bad he looked and what his ring did to him.. eeek.)  I have made many a friend, teacher, relative present with my skill.  Another gift I am making for people this year are hand-painted canvases.  I am painting people pictures.

What else should be on your list this year?  How about thankfulness.  I am thankful and it’s all over my list.

Don’t let the economy get you down.. muster up some creativity and thankfulness and everything will be fine.

Peace out sisterfriend!

Thankfulness for each other..Angela and my son on Thanksgiving.

I was home sick in bed.. caught a virus from a student.  My daughter had it too.  Sorry I’ve been away – now back to business…

Sisterhood Site is ALL SYSTEMS GO!!  Met with my partner today and we are both pumped to get started… want to help?

Find women who own businesses, have trades, are craftswomen, and who are professionals, and have them submit their info to us.  We will contact them and help to promote what they are doing..

This site needs you.. it needs the input of women all over – who want to promote themselves, a friend or a relative.

Now is the time – let’s get it going.  Stay tuned.

ALL SYSTEMS GO FOR SISTERHOODSITE!!!

Recently I helped a dear friend attain a restraining order against her estranged husband.  It was the third one she received in about a year.. She was scared and shaken.  I was happy to be able to be there for her.

Shouldn’t we all know what to do if terror strikes ourselves or our friends?

Here is a basic list of things you can do to protect yourself or one of your sisters:

1. Figure out the issue and the danger.  If you need to call the police, then DO.  If you have been physically abused, the Police need to know about it.  In most domestic abuse situations, the abuser will be arrested on the spot if there is evidence of violence, no matter how small.

2. Go to the Courthouse and file a Restraining Order.  At least in Massachusetts, there is a Victim Advocate at every courthouse.  Go there first.  You can do this with or without your attorney.  The Victim Advocate will help you fill out the paperwork.  You will need to tell the story of what happened in your own words.  Usually, you will need to focus on the event that caused you to go for the order.  Do not be vague and DO NOT speak to too many events.  Keep it simple and explain the event and why you are afraid.  You will be asked to get up in front of the judge and make your case.  The judge will read your statement to himself/herself and hear your words.  The victim advocate will stand with you before the judge if you want.

3. Enforce the Order.  No matter if it’s a phone message through a friend or arriving at your door, the abuser is NOT allowed to bother you.  Report any and ALL violations.  Most Restraining Orders are good for 10 – 14 days.  At that time you will be called back into the courtroom with the abuser (not seated near you of course) to state your case for continuance of the order.  This is your chance to explain how long the abuse has been taking place and the seriousness of the abusive behavior.  Has the abuser pushed you, hit you, verbally attacked you?  This is your chance to let the judge know the horror and unacceptable lifestyle you have been living.  Usually the order can be continued for six months to a year.

4. Tell your friends and family what is going on.  Do NOT be ashamed of what has transpired.  You DO NOT deserve to be treated any way but well and to live a healthy life.  Let your circle know how they can help and what is going on with you.  Safety in numbers.  They will want to stand by you.  If the abuser has bullied you not to tell anyone, then that is mental abuse.  You are allowed to tell whomever you desire without consequence.  Your lawyer might advise you otherwise here, but let her know if you have been bullied.

5. Alert your employer - give them a copy of the Restraining Order.  The abuser is not allowed anywhere you are.. period.  Your employer should also be aware of what is going on with you – for safety reasons and if you need some time off.. 

6. If you have a court case already filed against the other party, then use the time wisely that he/she is supposed to leave you alone.  File a temporary motion for support, custody, or whatever else you need to survive while things calm down.  Use your lawyer and be firm about your needs and lifestyle.  Do not be afraid of intervention.  The truth can set you free and if the other party is lying about you, then the lies will come out in the wash. Trust me.

7. Playing “Nice” won’t go far – eventually the abuser will use your niceness against you.  Don’t trust anyone or anything but your closest friends, family and lawyer.  Play hardball and get what you need.  No one is going to watch out for you if you don’t.  You are your own greatest advocate.

8. Be careful in your behavior and what you say while your court case is being heard, and in the interim between court dates.  Say “NO” to drugs and alcohol.  Be a good girl for a while.. it will pay off.  Take the High Road…  Don’t say too much that can be used against you.  

If you need any other advice, contact your local district court or police station.  There should be battered women’s shelters in your area, or a group of volunteers who work with the court and the police to make sure you are SAFE.  

When I needed space and time to think I went to the beach. Where is your favorite Safe Spot?

Please note that I am NOT a lawyer… seek legal counsel if you are truly in danger or need legal advice.  Use this as a guide and know that you are not alone.

My Cousin, Erin Gervais Stephens, just sent me this on facebook..

It’s just beautiful and embodies all that SisterhoodSite will be and is..

HI Joanne,
Saw that you were starting a site for women and thought you might like this (I saw it on a message board today, but I’m not sure who the original author is because it was not credited):

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,
drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As
they talked about life, about marriage, about the
responsibilities of life and the obligations of
adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her
glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance
upon her daughter..

Every day, we need each other still.

Hey – You know how there are LISTS for and about just about EVERYTHING?

What about making a list that can help you through a bad day?

Here is my list: (why don’t you make one and publish it too?)

1. I have a lot of friends

2. I am a nice person and always try and be a good person.

3. I am relatively attractive. (everyone is relatively attractive, so make sure you put this on your list)

4. I have 2 great kids.

5. I have a cool place to live and I love being there. (especially when it is clean and tidy)

6. I have an awesome boyfriend… yes, ATA that is you.

7. I make a good living and can pay my bills. (not that more money wouldn’t be nice – wait this list is to make me feel better..!)

8. I love my dog.

9. I love my cats, even though they wake me up at 5 AM and get cat hair in the computer.

10. I love my job – Dancing for a living is pretty cool.

11. I am creative.

12. I am artistic and love to have fun.

13.  I am independent and know how to do it myself – (even fix a leaky shower, right Ori?)

14. I am positive and try not to let others bring me down.

15. I am determined to make it and be a winner in life. (oops almost wrote “winer” – yeah, no, not that.)

16. I can remember obscure Dog Breeds at will. (True Fact.. I can guess anything at first sight and get it right.. Obscure ones… Briard, Skye Terrier, Wheaten Terrier, you name it.)

What are you good at?  What is your list?

Make yourself happy and others will be happy to be around you.

Me dancing with my homegirls, June 2008.

Hey Sisters…

Does the state of the world seem to be getting the best of you lately?  I know it’s getting me down and worried and needing support.  It’s hard to be a single mom working REALLY hard to make ends meet, hearing about the financial troubles of others and the downward spiral of the economy globally.  How can I make it?  What will happen to ME?  No… we will all be OK.

No matter what life hands you, remember these things:

All You Need is Love.. My daughter with a Basset Hound pup, Hannah.

1. You can do it, and in the end, it WILL be OK.

2. For some reason, women can handle bad things better than men.  We are adaptable, pliable, and resilient.

3. Don’t think too far ahead into the worrisome future if you’re stressed out financially.  One day at a time, OK? One bill at a time and rejoice in your successes when you get things done and paid for.

4. The world has seen these things happen before.  Imagine the worst thing that could happen to you, and then count your blessings.  If you have your health, food on the table and friends, you are doing OK.

5. You are NOT alone and for every person you see who seems to enviably doing well, there are 100 other people who are struggling right now.  Don’t waste your time being envious.  Be grateful and positive and good things will come to you.  Jealousy is a draining emotion.

6. Help others and generosity will find you.  But don’t help others expecting it back.  Be forthright.

7. Believe in yourself and your power and strength!

Times are hard, yes.. but we don’t have to make them worse by worrying.  Just today I had coffee with a dear friend of mine who has been very successful in life.  She co-owned a business that did well, has a beautiful family, home and many many friends.  I sometimes feel badly because my life hasn’t gone the way I thought it would, and my life is financially not the same as my friend’s.. no, not at all.  I don’t have financial security, I haven’t had the same mate for 20 years, I don’t own a house, but a condo… I work every day, really hard to make life work… But then I stop my self-induced pity-party and say, “hey, but you have a lot of things that other people don’t, AND you’re happy, loved and healthy.”  

And this is true, but the message here is that everyone has their ups and downs and good moments and moments when it starts to feel hopeless… “Will I ever pay off that debt?  Will I ever have security?”  The answer is YES.. but only if we believe – in ourselves and use each other’s strengths and talents as women and as people.  I have a lot going for me and I bet if you stopped to think about that, YOU would too.

My friend is my friend because I love who she IS – inside.  Not because of her house and wealth.  I love her and she is my friend because she MUST see something in ME that she loves too.  And isn’t that what life is about?  Connecting with the souls inside the people.

So… don’t let it get you down… LIFE THAT IS.  It’s all relative. And a year from now, your worries in this moment will be nothing but a non-sensical memory.  Like the wind that blows the leaves off the tree.. fleeting.

Just keep moving forward.

(and get out and VOTE on Tuesday!  It took women a long time to get that right – so DO IT!)

You never know when you are going to meet another sister!

I met two women today who need Sisterhood Site… Do you?

Don’t be afraid to post some thoughts, some ideas, a link or two.

So you go, Erin Gervais, Nurse Practitioner

Me in my Halloween Costume - as the MC Bat Commander of the most fantasmical Super Hero Rock Band, The Aquabats!!

and Suzanne Rutstein, Event Planner!  

With the economy the way it is, don’t we need each other more?

Have a super night and have some wine, it helps.

Joanne

I was traveling to New York City this past Friday, and after waking up and wiping the drool off of my chin, I looked out the window to the nighttime skyline of Manhattan.  We were on the “Night Owl” train from Boston and were heading to the City for some fun and relaxation.  My thoughts wandered for a few moments and I began to think about one of my former students.. I don’t know why but he came to mind then and there.

It doesn’t take a lot to influence another person.  And, it is uncanny how one decision can change not only your own life, but the life of another.  I had a remarkable student about 7 years ago.  He came to me a boy of 12 and couldn’t touch his toes.  He graduated from NYU’s Tisch School this past May, with a Bachelor’s Degree in Theater Arts.  Ted wanted to Tap dance and I taught him that, but Ted wanted to be a dancer and I helped him become that – for life.

Ted was absolutely one of the most wonderful students I ever had.  He was full of joy when he danced, and was always willing to do that little extra something to make himself a better dancer.  He studied it at school, with me and on his own.  My thoughts drifted to him on my trip into the City because it seemed like just yesterday that my friend and colleague, Kiara Bennett, and I were taking him to his first Dance audition for Jacob’s Pillow Dance Festival at the Mark Morris Studios in Brooklyn.  It was 6 years ago!  He didn’t make it into the festival, but that night he bought me and Kiara dinner, grew up a little, and was on his way to becoming the man he is today.

Ted is now in love with Yoga.  I know that because we are friends and friends on Facebook, the wonderous social connector of our time.  He LOVES Yoga.  He teaches yoga, he lives a peaceful life.  Would his life be this way if it weren’t for his journey through my dance studio?  Maybe, maybe not… but my thoughts on that train ride into the City where I have shared much with so many people, students and friends drifted to him and his dancing and his life now… I think my influence has helped him to be happy, and I think in even some small way that I have helped Ted and other students to grow into the young adults they are today.

We don’t think about this when we are in the “NOW” moment of teaching, but we need to reflect on this.

The next time you are considering a choice that might affect someone else in a good way, remember Ted.. his journey stared with just one Tap step, one word of praise, and one round of applause.

me and Kiara in the City last weekend - we did talk about Ted.. we just loved Ted.

If you are a female business owner, professional, tradesperson, craftswoman, or someone with a cool idea or service, please post a link to your site and/or place of business here. 

Networks start slowly, so I need your help to get this going.

Also feel free to share your story about how you made it to where you are and how you continue to do so.

Photos are welcome to and can be emailed to me at: nohandcandy@mac.com

Let’s Roll!

Dancing is always happening at Gervais!

my link:  www.gervaisdancestudio.com